Koi Sahara Nahin

Writing this one from the airport.

Had a 2035 Sahara flight to Delhi. Reached a whole hour before, like a good boy (also knowing the kind of lengths the security check queues can reach in the evenings...). So I am pleasantly surprised to see no queue at all at the baggage screening as well at the check-in counters. I breeze happily through to the PYT (not really - but I was in a good mood) sitting at the counter. "Sahara Namaskar" she goes. I grin - what a silly thing to say. I say "Hullo...window seat if possible..." I like looking at Mumbai from above...be it day or night.

"Sure sir..." She types away... flicks a strand of hair from her face... and says "I am sorry to inform you sir that the flight is now leaving at 2130.

My pleasant demeanour vanished like fried chicken... "...then why didn't you intimate me before? Even Air Deccan does that!"

The hair flick again. "I am sorry sir..."

Yeah...sorry my ass. Now I have to spend a boring couple of hours at the airport and intimate the taxi guys at Delhi to send the car later. (They don't wait...they feel hurt if you don't tell them and leave...)

So...I decide to answer some e-mails... so I take a coffee, sit on one of those new leather seats at Mumbai airport and get to work. 45 minutes and 13 emails later, I hear an announcement "this is the last and final boarding call for all passengers travelling by Sahara flight...blah blah".

I rushed back to the check-in counter - "you told me the flight was at 2130!"

"I am sorry sir...it was a mistake...". I couldn't believe what I was hearing - and even less what I was seeing. She was giving me a dazzling smile added with an extra flicking of her damned hair. I am quite articulate even at the worst of times - but this rendered me speechless. I just managed to wag an angry finger at her as if letting her know that she will pay for it if I miss the flight - and rushed to the security check. Oh freak...I realized i had to now tell the taxi in Delhi to pick me up earlier... all said and done, I reached the gate 10 minutes before departure. To find it closed.

Damn.

And no Sahara person in sight. I panicked. (I am not used to missing flights!) After some excruciating minutes of searching through the crowd for an airline person - I saw one. I rushed to him and asked him how the hell could he take off without even calling my name!

He smiled. (One more smile and I would have broken some teeth!) And he said..."Don't worry sir, it was a mistake..." That was the proverbial straw and I stood there stunned. "What?" is all I could mumble.

"The announcement that the flight is leaving was a mistake...it is still leaving at 2130..." It took me some time before i understood what was happening. I suddenly felt like a practical joke had been played on me and immediately looked around for hidden cameras. MTV Bakra of the year...

The Sahara man put a sympathetic hand on my trembling shoulders - and spoke like a middle-class Buddha, "It happens."

He was right. It happens. Only to me!

Tag clouding the desktop

Quintura seems to be catching peoples' fancy...and it is a good thing. While monolithic brands like Google are good - they aren't the best for innovation. Once in a while, some crazy russian should appear out of the depths of Siberia and send a chill through Silicon Valley.

Now we will see how to extend Quintura to the desktop. Quintura has a desktop client very imaginatively called the Quintura Web Search Client. You can download it at http://company.quintura.com/download/ . (While there you can read about the crazy russians who started this...)

Once you install the client - it opens like a usual window's based program - which emulates the web search page. Only difference? You can select your poison... which basically means you do not have to depend on Quintura's yet-to-be completely mature database...and select whichever search engine you want - with the tag clouding functionality! Cool isn't it?



Now the desktop part. For this you need to have Google Desktop installed - yep...that monolith again. But Google Desktop isn't bad...I like it. Once installed - you can add Google Desktop to the search engine list in the Quintura Client (from options)

Then select Google Desktop from the list - and put in your search words. Voila! You have tag cloud with keywords from files on your harddrive!

Believe me it is addictive...and you will realize sifting through the junk on your computer can be so much fun!!

Try it... comments are welcome...

A real Google alternative?

My favorite online technology portal - ZDNET (no they aren't paying me - but they should) - ran a controversial and extremely difficult experiment. One of their editors decided to live a fortnight without - gasp - Google.

And thank heavens he did that - because though as expected - nothing beats Google, he found a worthy alternative. Wanna know what it is? :)

Quintura.

I tested it. It is absolutely stupendous. It is what web 2.0 is all about. Go to http://www.quintura.com/ and check it out!

It has got two halves - results on the right (which are pretty decent by the way) and a "tag cloud" on the left. So my search for JBJ (proving my continuing obsession with it) gave me the usual links on the right - along with other key words arranged in seeming disarray (only not) on the left.

Now this is why I say this will be the future of search... take the mouse cursor anywhere on the tag cloud and say highlight "photo gallery" like i did in the screen shot below:

The links on the right automatically change to reflect what you highlighted...so I got a great listing of all JBJ photo galleries... REAL-TIME. (of course how real-time depends on the speed of your connection...)

A whole new world of possibilities open-up with "tag-clouding" - people now will be like amateur detectives...sniffing out information, following trails of tags to arrive at the best possible result. The power is now with us...not with some crazy scientists surrounded by lava-lamps and gourmet food. (oh how I want to work for google...)

This is true Web 2.0 isn't it? Power to the user. In my next blog I will explain how you can get the tag cloud functionality for your desktop searches... ;) It's cool. Believe me.

Furiosity - redux

Oh yeah...JBJ is bad.

Commentor Vidooshak was right about the "intention" though... but mentioning this monstrosity in the same breath as Pyaasa will make Dutt-saab's ashes turn cold.

He intended to make something new, even tried to emulate the experimental/art-noveau-yet-commercial form of cinema which has been used by his mentor (Mani) with great effect... but I think his immaturity shows through...like imitation "tunde-ke-kababs".

The dialogue is dense, assiduously assinine - the actors are obviously trying to say something "deep" but hey we paid money to watch this crap...so we ain't exact "gifted" are we? ;)

The songs have got nothing to do with him or anyone else I berated in the review. Shankar-Ehsann-Loy cannot go wrong...period. And Gulzar has penned the lyrics...never thought he knew so much Punjabi.

Furiosity

This is a review for Jhoom Barabar Jhoom.

It has got an awesome storyline. Here is how it goes...Boy (AB Jr.) meets girl (Ms. Spicejet) at Waterloo station (no less) - both waiting for someone to arrive. Both (for the sneakiest reasons ever) concoct long winding stories about fictional beaus - for whom they are apparently waiting. After the two hour long wait - they realize that they have found their soulmate in one another...but hang on...both think the other is hitched. How bitched. So they decide to meet the competition at a (how convenient) dance competition - and evaluate for themselves. Of course neither has a beau...so they request a foul-mouthed prostitute (Lara Dutta) and "mamma's boy" spectacle salesman (Booby Deol...sorry Bobby Deol) to enact the part of their non-existent beaus. Then something amazing happens...foul-mouthed prostitute bangs spectacle salesman for free - apparently that is a sign of love. And boy and girl realize that they just got screwed over by each other. And then.... hang on.... that's the movie. Yes. The end. Of course one is amazed at the futility of it all, angry that one was subjected to such nonsense...and relieved that the torture was over. So futility, anger and relief become Furiosity.

I know there is no word like "furiosity"...but at the same time I could not resort to my existing repertoire of words to describe the sheer.... furiosity .... i felt after I spent 3 hours of my time watching Jhoom Barabar Jhoom. Preity Zinta and Abhishek Bachchan are talented actors. Then why did they waste their time for such a venture? Even more so for AB Sr. and Shaad Ali (who displayed some class in Sathiya - even though it was copied).

I will tell you why they wasted their time. Southhall. If every Sardar worth his turban in Southhall (London) pays 15 pounds and watches this movie...the producers would have made their money. The movie is for them...and them only. Half the time the characters are either speaking "London Ghetto" or punjabi.

AB Sr. had whole of 60 seconds in the movie... and was also responsible for the only part that made sense. At the end he came on screen and laughed out loud and long, looking at the audience - for no apparent reason. But there is a reason... everyone who is foolish enough to spend money and time on this movie deserves to be laughed at.

Atleast he got paid for it. The last laugh my friends was on me.

Enlightening Cinema

A colleague just passed on a URL for a Film Society. (www.enlighten.co.in) These guys organize cinema screenings in association with Cinemax - of critically acclaimed movies. These include both classic and modern. At first sight I could see displays of Godfather (imagine seeing that on the big screen!!), Salaam Bombay, Pather Panchali, ET, a few Hitchcocks... nice.

1500 bucks for an yearly membership (not clear if there are on-the-spot ticket fees too). A good chance for lovers of cinema to experience classics the way they were meant to be. On the big screen.

Fingerprinting the Pirates of Now

While everyone with their heads not buried in sand are smitten by the crazy bunch of pirates in the latest Disney fantasy "Pirates of the Caribbean - At World's end" - there is rampant piracy doing rounds on the world wide web. Recently Viacom slapped a $1 Billion lawsuit on Google Inc. for hosting what Viacom claimed to be illegal copies of copyrighted material. Google denied any such thing of course...but such things will continue to happen - unless someone can actually figure out "Video Fingerprinting".

A video fingerprint is like a unique "code" that is derived from a particular video sequence - for example the Pirates trailer will have a certain code which will be unique to it - and different from the code of say the Pirates movie. So all the Piracy watchdogs have to do is crawl the web - search for videos and do fingerprint matches with a database of copyrighted material. This will enable them to sniff out illegal stuff like a DEA alsatian. Dutch electronics giant Philips already has something like this...and is being used by content companies to crack down on Piracy. But Piracy is like water. It will find a way to get through...no matter now infinitesimal the way is. And in this case it is just a matter of changing the video sequence a little bit - like pasting other video clips in the middle or doing away with the credits or something like that. This will render the video-fingerprinting ineffective.

Duh-uh! Some other company has come out with a solution which will just profile the audio track of the movie. They claim that as the amount of data in the audio track is less - more complex calculations can be done on it - and minor changes in the Audio will not be able to disguise the fingerprint. All the pirates have to do is seperate the Video and the Audio tracks (quite easy - can be done at home) and post them seperately! One has to download them, multiplex and watch.

And the biggest loophole is that, all fingerprinting techniques are meant for public domain web sites only. What about File sharing - the leading method for piracy?

Bottomline - content creation companies can do what they want to... Piracy has become a part of their and our lives. Their only hope is that people appreciate the pleasure of going to cinemas or get the thrill of creating a DVD collection at home. And that I think is still not dead - and will not be for sometime.

In China they eat dogs. Part Four.

As we entered the gates to the Forbidden City – Chang gave me a palm
sized device with a earpiece. It looked like an imitation game boy –
surely, their major tourist attraction was no so boring that one had to
pass time playing video games. I turned the device in my hands and
saw what looked like a map with some LEDs at various points on the
map. I looked at Chang questioningly.

“It’s an interactive map.” He said. “You wear the earphones, and the
device will tell you where in the Forbidden City you are at the
moment along with some information about it.”

I was impressed – last I had seen these things at the Louvre. They
looked much more sophisticated of course.

Imagine having something like this for the Taj Mahal…

“You are currently in the area where you can deface Indian heritage.
Please pick up a stone or any sharp and hard object, and inscribe
yours and your sweetheart’s name on these walls, to make your love
immortal. You want visit the toilet? Don’t bother, that’s what these
walls are for – and don’t worry, no one’s looking – probably they are
doing the same. And if you are chewing beetlenut and all that red
spit is hindering you from expressing amazement at this lovely
edifice, get rid of it now. Choose any wall of your liking and add to
the spit collage like millions of others have done before you! Doesn’t
that red look lovely on the white?”

There was no sign here in the Forbidden City that you should not spit.
Or that you should not attempt to dedicate someone else’s love
memorial to your sweetheart. One does not have to be instructed to
take care of ones treasures.

So we stepped into the spotless compound – and immediately the lady
hidden in the device fired up.

“We thank you for visiting the Forbidden City. We hope you had a
pleasurable experience and learnt something about ancient Chinese
culture. Please return the interactive map to the ticket counters on
your way out. Goodbye and hope to see you again soon!”
“Um, Chang”
“What please?”
“I think this device is not functioning properly. It is asking me to return
it to its master.”

Chang came close to me, and pressed his ear against my ear, on which
I was wearing the Earpiece. I could smell his breakfast through the
after shave. Garlic and Meat. And Soya Milk.
Chang shook his head and said, “It is ok. It is just that we are at the
back entrance, which also happens to be the official exit.”

I suddenly felt like an enema.

So my tour began… Not much to write about that. Except that I was
the only brown skinned, bearded human in miles. The buildings were
nice…typical pagoda style. But all of them looked the same to my
philistine eyes. The Forbidden City is a series of these buildings
interspersed with balconies with stone steps leading into huge
courtyards. Each building had a name like “Hall of Peaceful
Tranquility” or “Hall of Love and Harmony” or something – depending
on what that building was used for. I am sure they sound much less
silly in Chinese.


I soon lost track of which building I was seeing, and which I had
already seen. But here are the buildings that should have been there –
but were somehow missing…

Hall of Hypersensitivity – Where the queen was locked up during
“those” days…
Hall of Painful Senility – Where the royalty wasted away their last
days…
Hall of Surprising Agility – Where the royalty practiced the Kamasutra…
Hall of Hallucinatory Activity – Where the royalty smoked pot…
Hall of Collective Stupidity – Where the Queen and her friends held
their kitty parties…

So we trudged from Hall to Hall, Compound to Compound. I was
faithfully clicking, as a tourist should. We saw huge gold plated
cauldrons (The lady in the device called them “vats”. Obviously she
has never been to Scotland) where they used to store water, in case
there was a fire. The Gold Plating was scraped off by the Japanese
during their occupation…all that was left now were black “vats” with
dirty looking yellow-green patches.


I asked Chang, why weren’t these restored. “So, that we don’t forget.
And the Japanese tourists don’t forget.”

One can draw huge motivation from reminders of the unfairness and
cruelty of the past. It pushes one forward.

Finally we reached the official entry of the Forbidden City from the
wrong side. Like very slow moving vomit.

I was feeling a little tired and very hungry at the end of this long
walk…Chang realized that. He put on his benevolent look, pointed over
my head and said, “Today we will eat where He used to eat.” I swung
around and saw a huge mug shot of Chairman Mao hanging on the gates
of the Forbidden City. He seemed to be looking proudly at the view
ahead. The simply humongous Tiananmen Square. Flanked on either
side by huge edifices from the Communist Era…this huge courtyard of
stone and cement looks imposing.


It was a reminder of a large powerful empire that perished from its
own grandeur. But, at the same time it serves as a reminder to the
rest of the world – that China is rising again. And this time, they are
more sure footed than ever.

Of course all these are after thoughts. At that moment, as I glinted in
the sunlight reflected off the polished floor of the square – all I could
think of was food. I wonder, to the extinction of which mammal, will I
contribute today.

To be continued…

In China they eat dogs. Part Three.

Unfazed by the near death experience – I confidently walked towards
the Forbidden City gates all the time keeping an eye out for any
hooded shaolin assassins. Chang was going on and on about something.
I was too engrossed in my surroundings to concentrate on the intricate
act of deciphering Chinglish. He was talking something about “arriving
at the wrong entrance”, “Taxis not allowed on the other side”, “We
should have come by bus, but I didn’t want to risk setting a crazy
Indian loose in the Beijing Transport System” or something to that
effect.

We strode up to the ticket counter which had a smaller queue than
expected. Maybe because it was a Wednesday – or maybe only the
people who survived the poison tipped arrows reached there. Chang
asked me to wait and went off to buy some tickets.

I squinted in the sunlight, and looked around at the other tourists who
were waiting to get into the Forbidden Gates. Suddenly, a man
wearing a blazing red robe and a yellow cap with “I love China”
emblazoned on it let out a loud war cry and started running towards
me. I knew it was a war cry because he was wildly waving a red flag
with a fiery dragon on it. Behind him other people, wearing the same
yellow cap (sans the robe and the flag, obviously they were meant only
for the leader) started running too.

This was it. The End.

I obviously had broken some centuries old rule and was about to incur
the wrath of a crazy Chinese death squad. Maybe standing lazily with
one’s hands in the pockets is seen as a sign of decadence and is
punishable by impalement. Maybe brown skinned people were not
allowed anywhere near the Forbidden city. Maybe my face reminded
them of the Arab invaders. Maybe I had to too much facial hair. Maybe
they were just jealous I was taller than them…

Whatever it was, the maverick crowd was thundering down upon me. I
knew I should run, but I stood there, my eyes transfixed on the dragon
flag. A dragon spewing fire which would soon engulf me. I urged my
legs to move, but they, who had served me so well since morning,
refused to move.

I stood there helpless, in a trance, as a large yellow bird with a
mangled red beak moved in for its kill. It was one of those moments
when you know that the end is inevitable. Maybe the grim reaper in
China is a yellow bird with a red beak.

The crowd was just yards away from me now. I could hear the
whipping of the dragon flag against the wind. The screaming leader
was now waving at me wildly with his flag. But now it seemed as if the
screaming and the waving was not for killing me, but as a sort of “get
out of the way” sign.

I realized it too late. The crowd was here. I was in the direct path of
the leader, who displayed faster reflexes than I, and swerved at the
last moment, avoiding crashing into me by a hairs breath – leaving me
with a scent of Old Spice and garlic. The rest of the crowd also passed
“through” me as I stood there amidst dust and irritated stares. When
the last one had passed me, I turned around and see where they were
heading. I saw that the leader had reached the stone railing which
overlooked the moat surrounding the Forbidden City walls. He was
looking over the moat and was frantically pointing at something. His
followers clambered over one another to see below.

Now I was curious. Had they seen a person fall into the moat, and
were here to rescue him? Like a Chinese Baywatch squad?
I wandered over, and glanced below. All I could see was a very
frightened and confused duck swimming in the moat. The yellow
headed followers now whipped out their megapixel Sonys and
Olympuses and Nikons and starting clicking like crazy.
At the duck.

I was wondering “What the hell…” when Chang muttered something
from behind. He too had been observing the scene.
“What did you say?” I asked.
“Japanese Tourists” he mentioned, as if that explained everything.
Wait a moment…it does actually. Japanese tourists are known to be
avid photographers, esp. when they were visiting poor rustic lands. But
a duck?
“But a duck?” I asked.
Chang just shrugged and recounted a tale of this trigger happy
Japanese visitor who got very excited by the sight of this horse
crapping on a Beijing street. He just ran towards the horse with his
camera and started (in his own words) “shooting this amazing view of
nature”. The horse got so annoyed that he just took off in the middle
of the job, creating a long running line of turd along the road. The Jap
got all of it on his precious camera. It seems that many Japanese have
lived their entire lives in big mechanized cities and salivate at the
sight of anything “natural”. Poor souls.

“Ah…that’s the Japanese definition of a Kodak moment”, I said.
Chang politely smiled, pretending that he got the joke and we moved
on towards the Gate.

“What about the crazy attire and the yellow caps?” I asked. “So that
they do not get lost”, he replied.

So we non-mongoloids were not the only one who couldn’t make out
one Chinese face from the other…the Japanese also could not make
each other out from the Chinese! That made me feel better about
myself…

This was turning out to be some day.

Wonder what secrets the Forbidden City will unfold for me…to be
continued…

In China they eat dogs. Part Two.

The Forbidden City.

Sounds like a medieval Area 51. Where ultra-secret meetings between
ultra-powerful people took place, the kinds of meetings which usually
would result in the invasion of a neighboring land or the controversial
sale of Swedish boulder catapults… a place replete with forbidden
pleasures for the selected few… forbidden activities conducted the
dark and musty alleyways and hidden enclaves. Shadowy characters
lurking in the shadows smoking weed and gazing out of the murky
depths with soulless eyes.

My over-imaginative brain cooked up elaborate scenarios by the dozen
– so much so that I was feeling tingling excitement as we approached
the gates of the Forbidden City. And why not? After all I was one of the
select few to be invited to see the Forbidden City.

There was a large fortified gate with a lone blind old man sitting
inconspicuously on a dusty wooden stool, guarding it. He sat perfectly
still with unseeing eyes, staring out into the distance – as we
approached him. He made no sign of acknowledgement as our
footsteps echoed our arrival – maybe he was deaf too. Chang, my
Chinese guide, told me to stop and bow at the old man. And he also
told me be very still and not make any sudden movements. I was
surprised.

“But he can’t see…”

Chang put on his best Zen-Master voice and uttered mysteriously “He
who appears to see not, sees the most…” (Ch.IX, Para. II. The Chinese
book of Unnecessarily Mysterious Zen Utterings. Also from The Matrix
part three.)

I pretended to be appropriately mystified and obliged by bowing at
the spooky blind man. Chang bowed too. The blind man sat still.
Unmoving. While I was wondering what to do next, Chang obviously
had done this before. “We wish to enter the Forbidden City” he said,
making our intentions clear – lest the old guy thought we were here to
pee at the gates.

Again no movement from the blind man.

I was about to suggest to Chang that the old man was perhaps not
alive or worse – both blind and deaf…when suddenly those thin lips
moved and the man spoke.

“One who wishes to enter must say the password.”

The password. Of course. This was so common with forbidden places.
Like mom’s cookie jar. Could never really figure out the password on
that one… I looked expectantly at Chang, waiting for him to utter the
magic word. I realized from the absence of sound that he was silent. I
nervously looked around me at the falling dusk. The walls were high
and I could swear I could see hooded men with bows and arrows,
gazing at us from above. Waiting for us to make some sudden
movement so that they would have the pleasure of seeing the poison
tipped arrows pierce our hearts. I decided to shake Chang out of his
apparent reverie.

“Hey, Chang, buddy, I think he wants you to say the password.”
He didn’t move. I was getting irritated now. What’s with these
Chinese and stillness! We Indians like constant motion. Patience is a
gift a few from the subcontinent possess. As a pure reflexive action I
reached out to touch Chang’s shoulder. What happened next took a
few milliseconds – but happened in slow motion for me.

First I caught a steely glint from the corner of my eye. The glint
seemed to be moving towards my head. The same neurotransmitters
which had saved me in the bathroom earlier this morning, fired off –
and I ducked. At the same time there was a loud “whoosh” to my right
from above and the corner of my eye caught another glint also moving
fast towards me.

Chang flew towards me, grabbed me by the shoulders and pulled me
back just before the Arrow would have pierced my heart. Panting,
Chang said: “Abi, you should be careful while crossing Chinese roads.”

I broke out of my dream.

We were standing on the roadside, with motor vehicles whizzing past
us. It seems that I had sleepwalked into the gushing traffic and Chang
had pulled me back just in time, or else I would have been on the
menu of the local restaurant…

Can’t wait to get in. To be continued…

In china they eat dogs. Part One.

Three days of eating the internals of various creatures had left my
poor Brahmin stomach in a state of turmoil. And this turmoil had
spread to various parts of my body – affecting my sleep, my dreams
and my mood. I looked and felt like a graveyard. A Pet Cemetery. A
walking encyclopedia of a duck’s Anatomy.

Especially that morning when I was to be picked up by an unnamed
Chinese colleague for some sightseeing in Beijing. As I gazed blankly at
my reflection in the mirror – I realized I didn’t remember that I had
slept. I certainly didn’t feel like I had slept. My head was spinning, my
eyes were bloodshot, my ears had this disorienting buzz from my wake
up call and I was bathed in cold sweat. And all I had to drink last night
was coke. (Maybe Chinese coke is different.) I put down the cover of
the toilet and sat down on it, buried my head in my hands and tried to
bring the spiraling to a stop.

It didn’t help.

I realized I needed a shower. And a coffee. And Gin Seng. So I
stumbled to the water cooker, switched it on, then stumbled back to
the bathroom, maneuvered myself into the tub and turned the shower
knob in the direction of “hot”. Of course my sense of left and right had
temporarily deserted me – and the result was a stinging jet of ice cold
water biting my unsuspecting epidermis like a thousand hungry
Piranhas. My spinal cord jumped into action (the human body is
amazing) and I leapt back with reflexes that completely disregarded
my current mental and physical state. Unfortunately they also
disregarded basic laws of Physics and I had to wildly grab at the
shower curtain.

Shower curtains though appear to be sturdy when subjected to gentle
tugs – are really not meant to decelerate falling bodies. With a Chinese
“ping” one of the curtain rings came off and the others starting
following like sheep. But by that time I had steadied myself and
managed to shift my weight to my by-now-very-awake legs. The
shower curtain was hanging limply on one side akin to the affects of
too much alcohol. I hope the hotel doesn’t charge me for this.
In all this chaotic activity I had completely forgotten about the icecold
water raining down on me – and I suddenly realized that I was as
awake as I ever have been! Cold water was just what Confucius
ordered. I felt as if some crazy Chinese hack had injected me with
dollops of Tai Chi. I felt as if I could scale the walls of the Forbidden
City. I felt I could run the entire length of The Great wall. I felt I could
fight the armies of Genghis Khan. And suddenly when the adrenalin
levels returned to normal I felt like an icicle. I immediately turned the
lever down again and stood there shivering, trying to regain my
breath.

After completing the rest of the bath with relative uneventful ness I
got ready for my impending oriental adventure. We were to visit “The
Forbidden City” – which is the ancient center of Beijing. The name
sounded so exciting. To be continued…

Black

This song by Pearl Jam has meant many things to me many times in my life. But never has it rung so true. Last night I listened to Black in the car – after ages – and cried. After ages. Lyrics by Messrs. Vedder/Gossard/McCready. Credit where its due.

Sheets of empty canvas, untouched sheets of clay
Were laid spread out before me as her body once did.
All five horizons revolved around her soul
As the earth to the sun
Now the air I tasted and breathed has taken a turn

Ooh, and all I taught her was everything
Ooh, I know she gave me all that she wore
And now my bitter hands chafe beneath the clouds
Of what was everything.
Oh, the pictures have all been washed in black, tattooed everything...

I take a walk outside
I'm surrounded by some kids at play
I can feel their laughter, so why do I sear?
Oh, and twisted thoughts that spin round my head
I'm spinning, oh, I'm spinning
How quick the sun can drop away

And now my bitter hands cradle broken glass
Of what was everything?
All the pictures have all been washed in black, tattooed everything...

All the love gone bad turned my world to black
Tattooed all I see, all that I am, all I'll be... yeah...
Uh huh... uh huh... ooh...

I know someday you'll have a beautiful life,
I know you'll be a sun in somebody else's sky, but why
Why, why can't it be, why can't it be mine

Find Pearl Jam "Black" live video below. IE7 users might have to click on the blank space to "activate" the video controls

Love in the time of Cholera

Ok so there is no Cholera here – but a metaphor for the depressive mental sickness that I am feeling these days. And I tend to forget that love can persist in these times. (funny how your own troubles can paint the whole world dark…you forget that there are millions of people finding love and happiness in spite of all odds)

Talked at length with a colleague some days ago. Almost a confirmed bachelor till some months ago – he was gushing about this woman he met on an online marriage portal. They started communicating, and 3 months later met her in person. (different city) Love blossomed. Parents concurred. (obviously happy their ageing children were settling down – and the fact that neither of them is ineligible) But he was so confident about their relationship – in the face of my failing one – that it gave me hope. Love will always be there. People will always fall for each other. Cholera or no cholera. In our country where girls and boys don’t really get many opportunities to interact – marriage portals are a god send. They give one hope that Mr/Ms Soulmate is out there and is searchable in an online database. Cool. The topic of this entry should be love in the time of technology and web 2.0.

Even his bachelor pad looked much more inviting and warm – one could detect the emotional presence of a woman there. What is this change that women bring in the hardiest of men? We suddenly lighten up, start taking care of ourselves, become more sensitive. We become more like…them. Think about it. What women like in men is a potent (and impossible to attain fully) mixture of Yin and Yang. The “womanesque” qualities are not something we are born with – but the pheromones in the air react with our testosterone and before you know it we are “soft”. And it is these soft qualities which accentuate the manliness in us even more. This change definitely, in every case I have seen, including mine – makes a man a better, more sensitive person. Don’t know if one can say the same about the effect of a man on a woman though. Maybe a woman should comment on that…

But that is love for a man. A lot of it is sexual I guess…but a lot of it is also a subconscious need to discover our soft side. To be taken with a pinch of salt. My colleague is getting married in August…and I wish with all my heart that he and his partner find the happiness I can't seem to. Because, no matter what happens to any of us, love should always thrive.

The Pirate Song

Words for the song which the kid sings (and later on by Keira) in the Pirates of the Caribbean 3 -

The Pirate Song.

Yo ho, yo ho, a pirate's life for me

We pillage, we plunder, we rifle and loot
Drink up me hearties, yo ho
We kidnap and ravage and don't give a hoot
Drink up me hearties, yo ho

Yo ho, yo ho, a pirate's life for me

We extort, we pilfer, we filch and sack
Drink up me hearties, yo ho
Maraud and embezzle and even high-jack
Drink up me hearties yo ho

Yo ho, yo ho, a pirate's life for me

We kindle and char, inflame and ignite
Drink up me hearties, yo ho
We burn up the city, we're really a fright
Drink up me hearties, yo ho

We're rascals, scoundrels, villains, and knaves
Drink up me hearties, yo ho
We're devils and black sheep, really bad eggs
Drink up me hearties, yo ho

Yo ho, yo ho, a pirate's life for me

We're beggars and blighters and ne'er do-well cads
Drink up me hearties, yo ho
Aye, but we're loved by our mommies and dads
Drink up me hearties, yo ho

*****Best sung with a bottle of RUM!******

A tale of two threes

This was a big weekend for Hollywood. Two of the most successful film franchises in recent times - giving birth to two of the most wildly popular fictional characters not created by Ms. Rowling - have spawned sequels. Two "Part Threes" in fact. And I being a rabid fan of both characters - one a cool animated one and the other a cooler real one - saw them both over this weekend. And decided to pit them against each other. Who got the formula for a successful third film correct? Shrek 3 didn't.

Now sequels typically have big shoes to fill. And if a part three is being made - it also typically means that the first two parts raked in a lot of moolah for the studios. Which means bigger shoes. Also there are two kinds of sequels - one which completes a story - one attempts to get easy money for the producers by riding on the back of a popular brand of franchise. Shrek 3 unfortunately falls in the latter category...and movies in this category have to be either radically different (not too many examples come to mind) or an intelligent congregation of the various elements that made the franchise popular in the first place (Die Hard 3, Terminator 3, Superman 3 - just kidding). Shrek 3 is neither.

It is not a bad movie by any standards - it is technically superb (just look at the detailing on the hair and skin of Prince Charming) and it keeps you consistently entertained for the period it lasts - but it is just not a GREAT movie, as it's predecessors were. And the creators are solely to blame (being an animated movie you can't really blame anyone else!). They had a great formula - which revolved around the dysfunctional & hilariously funny camaraderie between Shrek & his faithful Donkey. Shrek (Mike "Austin Powers" Myers) & Donkey (Eddie Murphy in his best form since Beverly Hills Cop 2) seemed to enjoy those verbal duels fueled by a mutual need of affirmation and friendship. Even Fiona (Cameron Diaz) had a touch of fiestiness in her...her romance with Shrek funny and poignant at the same time. This formula worked well in the first two parts - worked very well in fact - establishing Dreamworks Animation as a worthy rival to Disney-Pixar. And the best part - the movie was not made with pre-pubescents in mind. The writers of Shrek 3 decided to change all that... Donkey and Puss (Antonio Banderas was in screaming touch in Shrek 2) have been reduced to insignificant sidekicks of Shrek. Well Shrek just ain't funny enough on his own. There is one saving grace - Rupert Everett is brilliant as ever as Prince Charming! The movie tries to hang on Artie's (Justin Timberlake's first big movie) introduction as the heir apparent for Far Far Away - and his relationship with Shrek. But this relationship was not developed with the gumption that the Shrek-Donkey one was...and failed to provide the laughs and emotional connect. In the end what we were left with was a Disney movie for children.

Now having said that - ironically the second third is from the house of Disney. OK...part of the brilliance has to be credited to the sheer production chutzpah of Mr. Bruckheimer. What he touches turns to commercial gold. And this one shouldn't irk the critics too... Pirates of the Caribbean 3 is a humdinger of a cinematic experience. Picking up right where the previous sequel ended - the movie starts in medieval Singapore with Elizabeth Swann (can't name her without drooling), Captain Barbarossa (the magnificent Geoffery Rush reprising his role from part 1) and William Turner (a very lucky Orlando Bloom landing two awesome character-roles back to back!) fighting the imperial forces of the East India Company along with fellow pirate Capt. Sao Feng (Legendary Chow Yun-Fat is deliciously sinister as the pirate lord of Singapore). There is action right from the start - but one can literally feel the impatience of the crowd. And the auteur Gore Verbinski (Pirates 1 & 2, The Ring) makes us wait for 40 minutes before Johnny Depp makes what has to be the funniest, craziest and unexpected entry in the history of modern cinema. And there is not one Sparrow but 10 Sparrows in a hallucinogenic scene that could be out of a future "Being Johnny Depp". (Mr. Kaufmann, are you listening?) This is Capt. Jack Sparrow losing it in Davy Jones' locker.

So the weirdest bunch of "comrades" - if back-stabbing pirates can be called comrades! - set out to gather together the forces and defeat Lord Buckett's (Tom Hollander) army which is lead by the indestructable "The Flying Dutchman" helmed by Davy Jones himself. The movie is a tad too long - but that should not bother true fans. I only wanted more! The movie is technically right up there with anything there ever was (or will be for some time) - and the long action sequences are beautiful choreographed. But you know what the highlight was? The same as the last two movies - Jack Sparrow. Johnny Depp has done the impossible and managed not only to continue the impossible-to-imitate drunken swagger, but has managed to keep it amazingly entertaining. Also in this movie for the first time you can see emotions in his eyes - esp. when his father (Keith "Rolling Stone" Richards in a brilliant casting coup) tells him that "Life is not about living forever - but living with yourself for as long as you live..."

Pirates of the Caribbean - At Worlds End is a fitting conclusion to one of the most imaginative and entertaining stories created in this century. Sure it glorifies vile pirates - who rape and pillage and kill their way through life! But, if you look beyond the obvious villany - it only glorifies freedom in an oppressed age. Pirates did bad things - but were good people. :) And after these movies have attained a permanent place in our hearts...

(P.S.: The producers were clever enough to leave the plot open for a 4th... though it will be tough to match this one.)